(My) Ode to (My Cousin) Joy

                    
  I found out exactly a week ago that my cousin, Joy (Burton) Good had been diagnosed with cancer in her liver.  I found out Thursday evening that she had died on Tuesday, August 24.
   Joy had just celebrated her 60th birthday on August 5.  Her sister, Marcia, told me today that she had been ready to fight the cancer. She had a great attitude about it all. But then, it was Joy. She would have a great attitude. Friends, that is just the way she lived her life. She was truly a "Joy".
   Last September, I was happy to reconnect with these cousins on my Dad's side of the family, the five daughters and one son of my Aunt Jean and Uncle Jerry. Unfortunately, it was at the funeral/memorial service for Uncle Jerry.  Joy was the first one of the family to greet me. She was very upbeat, especially considering the circumstances. As Marcia said today, "None of us could have known that we would be together again today under similar circumstances." She told me that Joy had only been sick for about six weeks. She also said that the family was glad that she did not have to suffer a long, drawn out battle.
   Joy and Don had been married for 34 years. He said at the funeral today that the best gift that Joy had ever given him was being a part of this family. He said, "Jeanie, I love you," to my Aunt Jean. He expressed his appreciation to everyone for showing up today.
   I remember many visits with Aunt Jean and Uncle Jerry when they lived in Elwood and we lived in Tipton. The girls were almost all older than we were. It was a great arrangement, as far as I was concerned. I had a lot of prom dresses to choose from on an occasion where I needed a formal for a chorus concert that I was in. The girls were Beth, Marcia, Joy, Barb and Kelly.  Kelly was the closest to our age. I think she was just a little younger than me. Of course, Kelly is the one I remember the best. But Joy was still special. And she hasn't changed. I became even more aware today that she had lived up to her name. Joy. Her Mom said it best: "She was a joy!" She touched a lot of people in her daily life.
  I found out today that her favorite color was red. She wore it often, and accented it with white and black. We were provided with red, white and black ribbons to tie onto a plant in her memory. Don was going to take it home with him after the service.
   I just want to say, in memory of Joy, that life is relatively short. You aren't promised tomorrows. We all need to learn to cherish and appreciate each other more today. You never know what an impact you may have on friends and family. Love extravagantly. Spread the JOY!

In My Own Defense

After re-reading my last post, I realized that some might wonder "Why are they taking a trip to Bloomington when they are destitute?" Or maybe, "Why are they going on this canoe trip?" Does it seem irresponsible to you that we are doing these things, because I mentioned that we are living at "poverty level"? Let me hasten to add, then, that we have had other back up resources that we have been using these past two years. And the trip was made upon Jay's recent loss of job, when we did still have another pay check coming from that. We only bought food out twice on the trip, and we did not have to pay for a hotel since we slept on Andy's apartment floor. Our biggest pay out, then was for the tank of gas to get down and back, and, in my opinion, it was well worth the expense. The canoe trip may seem like a splurge, but please read the rest of this post.

I attended a mini-seminar last year where the keynote speaker talked about poverty. She explained that you will see people on all kinds of Government programs spend money on what you might consider frivolous items and want to judge them because they could have paid bills with that money, but they went to a movie instead, or they bought something you wouldn't buy if you were in their shoes.  She explained that we should not judge these people, because we don't really know their circumstances. Sometimes, the thinking is something like this: "I can't pay all my bills with what little I get. I have worked so hard for so long, but I still can't pay all the bills. I deserve to splurge and use some of this money for what I want sometimes." Or maybe someone gave them some money for a birthday or other such occasion and said, "Please use this money to have some fun for a change. Or buy something special for yourself."

Whatever the case may be, I agree with this; we should not judge others when we don't really know their circumstances.

I do not believe in just throwing money away that we don't have. We have cut our spending way down. We rarely eat out anymore. I have been packing my own lunches. Most weeks we can get by on about $30 worth of groceries, especially here in the summer when we can eat from garden produce we get from friends for free. Both of us are probably a lot healthier because we ride our bikes or walk into town when we need something that we can get close by. We don't have cable tv, though we do both have cell phones. Anyway, the point is, we know how to be frugal and feel that we can allow ourselves some expenditures that would seem to others like we are being frivolous. We see a lot of live theater shows in the area because we usher or box office and in return, we see the shows for free. We should not cease to do things simply because we lack money. There are other ways to have fun if you are willing to find the ways around spending too much money.

We love all our friends and family and need your encouragement through this time. Please don't judge us?

What's New?

So, What's new with you? Do people ever ask you that? Sure they do! If you ask me that right now, I am probably not going to come back with the most optimistic, make you feel good answer.  I could say that I recently took a couple of days off of work, (paid vacation days, God bless them!). Jay and Tricia and I went down to Bloomington and spent a little time with Andy. It is always good for my spirits to see my kids, even if it's only two of them; and I absolutely love Bloomington, Indiana. The only down side of that is that, when I originally planned the trip, it was just going to be me and maybe Tricia going down. Jay was supposed to be working, still. But he lost that job at Jayco after only three short weeks. Same problem as before, he works too slow. He is so meticulous about what he does, he just can't get used to slapping something together the way the RV places want him to.  So, I am trying to maintain a good attitude folks, but it isn't working too well.

I'm now thinking that we will probably have to give up our nice place in Middlebury where we are currently renting. I'm also thinking it would be wiser and save gas and also money if we lived closer to my job in Elkhart. These are hard choices. I detest the idea of living in Elkhart. (No offense to those of you who live there. I am just thinking that the places in Elkhart where we could find something to rent on my paycheck alone are not going to be nice neighborhoods.) I did find an apartment to rent in a pretty decent neighborhood near the hospital yesterday. It's a one bedroom with utilities included in the price of rent. It is an upstairs apartment though. We aren't getting any younger, and the thought of moving furniture into an upstairs apartment makes me shudder. Plus, we still have so much stuff...I guess we just need to purge. A lot of this stuff isn't even garage sale worthy. Why are we keeping it?!

I am very unhappy about all of this, but I am willing to face the harsh realities. I was really hoping that we could get things turned around, and that Jay would have finally found a job he could hang onto by now. It has been two years since we sold his cabinet shop. He has not held a job for longer than three weeks since. I am so weary of all of the waiting and wondering. (Christian persons, please do not quote scriptures to me. I am sort of mad at God right now, and I don't want to hear it. Remember, I went to Bible College for two years, and I KNOW the Bible. Jay says "We need to just trust the Lord." Ok, where is He and why doesn't He do something?!)

Please just excuse me for venting, a little bit here. I know there are a lot of people in worse shape than we are. I mean, not just people in Haiti and Pakistan, but right here, in Indiana. I should be thankful, and I really am, that I have a good job. I am thankful, too, that we were able to sell the cabinet shop and our home on CR 35, and didn't just lose them because we couldn't pay the mortgage and so forth. But I am beginning to wonder if we are going to end up homeless. I found out the other day, when I was filing for deferrment, again, on my student loans, that we are actually at poverty level. That's fun.

You might be shocked that I would actually share that. But, hey, my life has always been an open book. I don't care if you know that. I'm not hiding anything.

So, I guess that's what's new with me. And that's enough, for now.